We're getting everything.
He might be one dashing man, but to think he has such bad habits…
Ozu is in the same year as I am.
Because he hates vegetables and only eats instant food, he has an exceeding ghastly face that looks like it came from the dark side of the moon.
Now's our chance!
He picks on the weak and sucks up to the strong. He's lazy and a devil.
My soul would have surely stayed unblemished had I not met him.
And how did you get the duplicate key?
I've earned Jougasaki-san's trust, you see.
You back-stabbing bastard.
Oh, if you move anything, make sure to put it back exactly where you found it, okay?
He's one serious clean freak.
Clean freak?
Yeah. That's why his girlfriend is like that instead of flesh and blood.
What are you talking about?
Over here.
A boor such as yourself whose mind is filled with sex probably couldn't understand.
It's a form of extremely sophisticated love.
T-That's…
J-pwq
Then I was a brand-spanking new freshman university student and before my eyes were held out innumerable circle fliers far surpassing my personal information intake.
In each and every one of them I could see a door to that rose-colored campus life.
And the one I chose was…
There I was sure to lay my future of pure, sparkling gold.
My new cinema paradise with raven-haired maidens dancing on the silver screen!
I decided to join that day in order to make 100 friends,
led astray by the naive words of "Let's have fun making movies together."
I was truly an idiot beyond all redemption.
"Sincerity vs. Authority"
And the movie circle "Misogi" which I joined that day
was under authoritarian rule by the president, Jougasaki-senpai.
Take 12, ready… Action!
"Teacher and Student Go to War"
Let's do this Mars!
Come at me!
"Jougasaki"
"I"
Cut!
It's just not right yet…
Sorry 'bout this! After the break, let me do another take.
Right!
Shit… To hell with that.
Pervert!
Wait! I…
While I was annoyed with Jougasaki-senpai's meaningless productions,
it was then that an ominous man stood beside me with a face of ill portent.
Are you from the dark side of the moon? Or perhaps an E.T.?
You say some pretty mean things.
There's no need to worry, I am your compatriot!
That was my first contact with Ozu, as well as worst contact.
All he does is parrot what he's read in 'how-to-make-movies' books.
I'd say it's Godard and Truffaut and the like,
but the all-time best is actually that Titanic guy.
It's dangerous to have a guy whose head is only filled with boobs run the movie circle!
Movies must definitely not be allowed to be poisoned by commercialism!
Show us a movie circle the way it should be, with your own two bare hands!
For the purpose of raising the beacon of mutiny against Jougasaki-senpai's fiction,
I started filming my own personal movies.
"Approach"
My first work: after the war in the Pacific, two men continue a battle of historic pranks,
exhausting the limits of intelligence and physical strength.
A movie of overflowing war and violence.
Of course it was ignored and the only person in the theater that laughed was Akashi-san.
My second work: a sentimental movie about a man wavering between three women,
patterned after King Lear. It received a storm of vilification from the women's camp.
And my third work: a man trapped in a never-ending maze of 4.5 tatami rooms
and his attempts to escape from it.
It was a DOA after people said "I've seen this premise before somewhere…"
Akahashi-san was the only one who gave me useful criticism.
Youjo-han
"The - End"
What was odd was that I couldn't help but think that the more effort I put in,
the more Jougasaki-senpai's charisma seemed to rise.
Our next work shall be Alexander the Great!
It will surely be a super grade-A piece of entertainment, the culmination of our work!
So, everyone… Will you follow me?
Yes!
Ablution!
When I think back on it now, I was used as leverage to increase his charismatic appeal.
Undaunted by Jougasaki-senpai, we attempted to announce a new romance film we were shooting,
but his faction was unanimously against it.
The enemy's first line of attack was Aijima-senpai,
Jougasaki-senpai's right-hand man,
who picked on us annoyingly.
Using acrobatic tricks of the filming schedule and petty things
like turning off the electricity, hiding the key etc… He shut us out from the studio.
In the end no one would deal with me, and I was shut out of the movie circle.
How can he be so celebrated while we have to resign ourselves to this?
Now, now… The public is finicky.
But they will always recognize a film that's true to itself.
And when will that be!
I want my recognition now!
You're quite selfish, you know that?
If you're really so motivated, why do you have such a down-in-the-dumps look on your face?
Shut up!
Thanks to you I've wasted my perfectly lovely college life!
Oh? I think you're to blame for that.
After all, it doesn't matter which path you take, you'll keep ending up right where you are now.
Have we had this conversation before?
Of course not. It's déjà vu, just déjà vu.
I see…
At any rate, once I met you I put all my efforts into making you no good.
Why do you haunt me so?
It's the way I show my love! We're connected by the black thread of fate, after all.
"The Japan Trench"
So, here. This is Jougasaki-senpai's transcript.
He's got a great face, but what's inside his head is a mess.
He's in his eighth year?
And moreover, his grades are dangerously low!
Why do you have something like this?
Please don't underestimate my information-gathering network.
And to escape from this sad reality,
his heart has been more and more captured by the boobs of his female circle members.
That's also the reason behind that last infamous swimsuit audition.
He filmed them in swimsuits?
There was no exhibitionism in the actual film.
And that's exactly what made it so infamous.
As an aside, here are the marks from the audition.
"Name" "Shape" "Size" "Remarks"
It shows the breasts' shape, angel, size, and separation.
He's completely mixed up his private fetish with his public behavior.
Okay, next!
So then he's just a boob dictator!
That's right. In short, he's nothing but a boob junkie.
He's a boob drunkard.
Ozu! I have an idea. Will you help me?
What are you going to do?
Well, I'm going to leave the circle anyway.
So I at least want to bring down heavenly judgment on Jougasaki-senpai before the end!
Well, well, that's not very calm of you.
Understood. I'll follow you wherever you go, Director.
And thus I was driven to action by my righteous indignation.
Now is the time to throw cold water on the people.
Or to put it simply, I decided to film an exposé documentary on Jougasaki-senpai.
In order to save the underclassmen charmed by Jougasaki-senpai's meager charisma,
I decided to willingly take on this villainous role myself.
What do you think, Master?
Well now…
Still soft-balling it, right?
The man that Ozu had brought in as an adviser
seemed to have known Jougasaki-senpai for a long time,
and Ozu schemed to his fullest extent to shoot
yet more and more libelous scenes of his discordant private life.
Ozu was like a kid in a candy factory,
continuously manipulating the film to deviate from reality,
and the exposé film became nothing more than a personal attack film.
How about this?
I wonder.
Maybe we should try going this far?
Documentaries are deliberate, after all.
Master, let's keep going on this, yes!
Well, it's sure looking like this will be an epoch-making work, don't you think?
Oh and by the way, please only credit yourself, Director.
Director?
As I left the editing room and walked aimlessly around Kiyamachi,
under the overhang of someone's house
I was caught by an old woman who emitted a suspiciously ghoulish aura.
This unplaceable aura was persuasive, and thinking logically,
there was no way that the fortunetelling
of a creature who emits such an aura could be anything but spot on.
What do you want to know?
Your face is a face of extreme impatience… You are unsatisfied.
I feel that you are not in a situation that you believe suits you,
and I can sense your fiercely earnest talent.
Quickly did I tip my hat to the old woman's keen insight.
Anyway, I sense there is an opportunity you can't let pass by.
An opportunity?
As in an excellent chance.
Yes, I know what that means…
This opportunity is always dangling in front of your eyes.
You must grab this opportunity and act on it.
I have a feeling I've heard this before…
And if you do not…
you will walk this life as now, ever unchanging.
That'll be 2,000 yen.
Did you raise your prices?
What does the viewer think is best?
Spreading around emotions that can move a large number of viewers is basic etiquette.
Jougasaki?
The Hollywood system is the best in the end.
Hey there!
Hi.
How're you doing?
So-so.
It's too bad your proposal wasn't accepted.
But movies are things everyone should see.
I don't care if you make things you like that make no sense,
but if you want to show them to the other people, at least keep a minimum of etiquette.
Not only are you wasting the viewer's precious time,
it's basically like showing you masturbating to the other people! I couldn't stand that.
Well, good luck, my brother!
I don't think he gets it.
Ooh, he's scary…
There you are.
Director! I've been searching for you.
And so my determination to push forward
and create and libelous film against Jougasaki-senpai was renewed.
Below my feet ran the Takase River,
just as shallow as all the mass-produced independent films Jougasaki-senpai ever made.
Afterwards I returned to the editing room,
and on the morning of the fourth day, after three days of editing without sleep,
I finally completed the worthless documentary which one could say
was the culmination of my two prior years.
Finished
We're doing a screening. Please come.
Your chance is during the staff introductions before they show the film.
Head to the projector room then.
Leave it to me!
This movie was created by the hard work of everyone in Misogi.
We really put our all into this.
I hope that you all will enjoy it!
Before we start, let me introduce the staff.
This is Ozu-kun, who helped with the sound recording.
Playing both sides are we?
And next we have Akashi-san, who was in charge of the 3D and visual effects.
Akashi-san?
I met Akashi-san during Jougasaki-senpai's shoot at Mt. Yoshida the previous year.
She was one year younger than me and in the engineering department,
and she was hired on staff for her technical skills.
Always meticulous, with never an equipment mishap,
she gained the trust of the other staff, but as she was not one to mince words,
it seemed there was a distance between her and the people in her class.
With her sharp tongue, she held her own against Jougasaki-senpai,
and although he took an interest in her chilly, intelligent demeanor (and her boobs),
he never spoke with her, fearful his charismatic flair would be damaged.
Akashi-san, you sure are fair skinned.
Me, fair-skinned?
There are plenty of people with fairer skin than me, so on what basis do you say that?
With such a resolute denial and then cross-examination,
no man ever dared speak with her after that.
I sent off a fiery cheer of "Akashi-san, you just keep doing things your own way!" in my heart.
You created another idiotic movie…
I'm sorry for making you watch such a worthless film.
It was definitely worthless but I didn't hate it.
Now we will start the film!
Please enjoy it to the end.
"Alexander"
Hey, maybe we should call it off…
I can't bring myself to do it with Akashi-san here.
What are you saying? What happened to your pride as a filmmaker?
Speaking of which, you're on their crew!
It's almost time.
Are you having fun, Alexander?
Drinking will not clear my mind, Ptolemaeus.
Ok, cut!
Nice work everyone!
Oh, I'm definitely a genius.
Shut off the mic.
Wait, didn't he realize this was recording?
He's got a camera on him.
I-I'm fine…
Please take this!
Thank you…
--What's this
--Are those his?
What am I going to do? I barely have enough money to eat, Mommy!
T-This is…
--No way!
--What in the world?
You're kidding me… A wall of boobs?
--Is this non-fiction?
--If so then… wow…
It's a lie, this is all a lie!
Impossible!
Hey, stop the film!
Don't stop it!
I said stop it, stop it!
I'm home, Kaori.
Stop that! Not that!
No!
Kaori-san, you're very pretty again today.
Shall we go to sleep?
Let's change your clothes…
Where is he? We'll smoke him out!
Yes!
You're really fast at running away.
Well, I don't like it when things get complicated.
There's no need to stop hanging out with me.
After forcing me to do all that, that's quite a thing for you to say.
Ah, someone is coming.
W-W-Wait!
Akashi-san.
You created yet another idiotic movie…
They didn't stop the screening?
The viewers found it interesting, after all.
But Jougasaki-san's faction is looking for you.
He'll probably be here soon.
Right, understood.
Well, I'm glad the people watching had a laugh.
That's what he'd call entertainment.
I preferred your earlier films.
This one was of questionable character.
Whatever… It was a hit-and-run.
You are an idiot.
You got that right.
And you haven't kept your promise yet.
Promise?
Whatever, hurry up and escape.
Indeed, now, Akashi-san, fare thee well!
Do not be fooled by Jougasaki's magic!
Do I seriously look like a fool to you?
And so I left behind the site of my unproductive, agonizing struggle over the past two years.
What's this?
When I returned to the boarding house,
someone had sloppily eaten the Castella that Ozu had brought me the other day.
For some reason I was tired.
I felt like my reason had crumbled to pieces like that Castella.
I was thinking that my next film would be about true love.
A true love film?
A love romance where two people tied by fate
would overcome their positions, ages, and even sexes.
It sounds like it's going to turn into something weird again.
Let go! Let go, Akashi-san!
--I squished it… I s-squished it…
--Now, now, calm down.
I apologize. I am not fond of moths.
These are called Mochiguman, and they come in sets of five, but I have lost one.
Worry not! As this Earth is round, you are sure to meet once again.
Or if you'd like, I'll help search for it.
I'd rather you make that movie a reality.
Then it's a promise.
Promise? So that's it…
This opportunity is always dangling in front of your eyes.
…but I didn't hate it.
Don't get carried away with your dreams. That's what I kept telling myself.
I had no confidence in that I could comprehend a woman who could understand my selfish movies.
And so I tried watching my latest, unfinished film.
I can't shake off the feeling of regret
for choosing the movie circle "Misogi" in front of that fateful clock tower.
If I had joined some other circle, like for instance the human flight circle "Birdman",
I would have surely spent quite a different two years.
You will always haunt me so, won't you?
That's the way I show my love.
Keep it to yourself!